Reflection On My 2015 Goals

I had three goals for 2015, they were:

                                                   1.      Read more.

                                                   2.      Enjoy life.

                                                   3.      Study hard.

While these sound simplistic and not much of a challenge, they didn’t come easy to me. In fact I would say I only achieved one of these goals (Having read 30 books this year, I would count that as reading more). But the point of these goals was not to achieve anything. I wanted to spend 2015 improving myself, and self-improvement is something that continuously happens over a lifetime. I think what helps most with self-improvement though is reflection, so here is my reflection on my 2015 goals.

      1.      Read More: I am really proud of how much I read this year. Being a full time student takes a lot of time and I’m really glad I set aside time to read as much as I did. With this goal I really wanted to expand myself and explore through literature. I’m a notorious for re-reading (especially Harry Potter) and while that’s not a bad thing I wanted to branch out this year. As much as I love reading before this year I hadn’t read many books by my own choosing since before high school. It was fun rediscovering that love of reading and I want to keep it going.

      2.      Enjoy Life: I wouldn’t say I achieved this goal this year, but that’s not to say I failed completely. I can look back on 2015 and remember wonderful times and happy memories. But I also was depressed a lot and there were times I let that overcome me. The purpose of this goal was to try and help me push myself and not get stuck in my mind, but it was hard and I rarely succeeded. Therefore, I don’t count this goal as a success but something I will continue to work on.

      3.      Study Hard: Yes I passed all my classes, some just barely, but that’s not really good enough for me to consider this goal a success. I could have studied harder. I lost my focus, I procrastinated, and often I gave up. The purpose of this goal was to avoid all those things. Doing well in school is extremely important to me and I am disappointed in myself for how I did, particularly this last semester. I can only move forward though; therefore, I have to learn from this and use it as my wake up call. If I don’t study harder in the future I won’t be able to accomplish my long term goals.

Through reflection we can be proud of what we accomplished, learn from our mistakes, and figure out ways to improve. I look forward to 2016 to learn more lessons and to try to do better, and look back at 2015 with pride that I made it through. 

The 30 Books I Read in 2015

I was able to read thirty books in 2015, probably my biggest accomplishment. Although, my mother would say I should have spent more time studying. I did enjoy every book I read this year, but some really stood out to me. For my top 5 favorite books I read this year I will give you my reasons for loving it so much.

1.      The 5^th Wave*

2.      Yes, Please

3.      Dead is a Killer Tune

4.      Dead is Just a Dream

5.      We Should Hang Out Sometime

6.      Eleanor & Park

7.      Fangirl (Author: Rainbow Rowell) The main character Wren, and her twin sister Cath, are off to college and Cath wants to branch out, leaving Wren to feel left behind and unsure of where she belongs. Wren is a writer though, and spends most her time writing fanfiction, escaping into the world she created online. With the help of some new friends Wren slowly starts experiencing college and gets out of her shell. I love this book because the characters were so unique and relatable. I had friends my first year of college who helped pull my away from my laptop and push me out into the world and it was fun to see that reflected in Fangirl. Plus I love a good love story and all the allusions to Harry Potter.

8.      Attachments

9.      Me and Earl and the Dying Girl*

10.   I am Malala

11.   Warm Bodies*

12.   We All Looked Up

13.   Finding Audrey

14.   Geek Girl

15.   It’s Kind of a Funny Story* (Author: Ned Vizzini) This is the story of a boy Craig, who has been feeling pressure due to school and friends and family and became depressed. One night he considers killing himself and instead goes to the hospital and checks into the psych unit. Being in the psych unit he learns that he was unnecessarily putting pressures on himself and his self-worth isn’t determined by the prestigious school he goes to or his intellect. This story was inspired by the authors own hospitalization for depression. While most of the book focus on dark concepts it has a hopeful ending, and struggling with depression myself, I found it to be comforting. It looks at mental health in a real way that isn’t often portrayed in books or movies.

16.   All the bright places

17.   The Opposite of Loneliness

18.   The Astronaut’s Wives Club*

19.   The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

20.   Carry On (Author: Rainbow Rowell) Simon Snow is a wizard who is trying to defeat an evil force. Basically Harry Potter with some twists. The fun thing about this book is in Rowell’s book Fangirl, the main character Wren, writes fanfiction about Simon Snow. Rowell took the book concept she created in Fangirl and wrote a whole book about it. There are so many things to love about this. I love the unexpected love story- it really knocked my off my feet. I love how it’s like Harry Potter in so many ways- give me a wizarding world and I’m happy. Most of all I love how originally it was just a small part of another story the author wrote and then she decided to fully create a book for the characters.

21.   Girl Online On Tour

22.   Life and Death

23.   Fun home** (Author: Alison Bechdel) This is an autobiography written in graphic novel form. It focus’s mostly on Bechdel’s childhood and what it was like for her to grow up.  The reason I love this book so much: Bechdel is a lesbian. There are so few stories out there about lesbians and I really love being able to relate to a character that way. My favorite parts of the story were about Bechdel’s first girlfriend. I always enjoy stories more when I can see myself in a character and that’s why I loved Fun Home so much.

24.   The Cuckoo’s Calling (Author: Robert Galbraith) A detective, Cormoran Strike, is asked to discover what really happened the night Lulu Landry, a famous model, died. This is a good old fashion crime novel and I couldn’t put it down. Also it should be noted that Robert Galbraith is a pseudonym for JK Rowling. Crime novels are so fascinating to me because I love getting the clues as you read and trying to figure out who did it.  

25.   Pride and prejudice*

26.   The Silkworm

27.   The Bad Beginning*

28.   The Reptile Room*

29.   The Wide Window*

30.   The Gospel According to Coco Chanel

*there is a movie/tv show modeled after these books

**there is a musical modeled after this book 

Adventure Day

During my fall break I was at school all alone, so naturally I went on a little solo adventure. In St. Louis there is a lovely park about 2 miles away from campus. It was a nice autumn day, not too cold, so I walked to the park. Within the park there are so many things to do, so I decided to go to the Art Museum. I had so much fun getting away from campus and going exploring. Here are some pictures from the day!

What's in My Bag: Adventure Day

Today I decided to go on a little adventure. Its fall break and I’m here in St. Louis by myself so I wanted to have some fun. Here’s what’s in my bag at the end of my adventure day!

First off, this is the bag I took. I borrowed it from my roommate. It’s a brown cross-body bag that can fit a ton of stuff!

So here is the breakdown of what I brought:

1.      My wallet and keys

2.      Vans beanie and Ray Bans

3.      Metro ticket and lunch receipt

4.      Poetry Books

5.      Composition book and pencils

6.      Map of art museum

7.      Polaroid camera and Polaroid pictures

8.      Headphones and case

9.      Tens Unit for back pain

10.   And obviously my iPhone

Well that’s everything I need for a trip to the park and art museum!

How To: Paint a Canvas

Maybe you are in a sorority for the first time, maybe you want to have cute decorations in your dorm room, or maybe you just want to paint for funsies. Crafting is a lot of fun no matter the reason. I am a recent crafter myself, but I thoroughly enjoy it and it’s one of my favorite things to do if I have some free time.

I know it can seem intimidating, but as long as you stay patient I promise you’ll do alright!

1.      Pick out a design/ Get painting supplies – you are going to need supplies like canvases, paint brushes and paints. If you know the design you’re going to do beforehand then you can make sure you get all the colors and supplies you need. You can either create your design yourself or copy a design. I always look to Pinterest for my inspiration!

2.      Get Started – Trace any designs and figures you want onto the canvas. I like to paint these in first before painting in the background.

3.      Paint the Background – Add the background color. As you do this you might color into your designs accidentally, that’s totally okay, just use a small paintbrush to paint over your little mistakes

4.      Add other paint details – for this canvas my last paint detail was the grass. This was something I just went for and didn’t have to worry about making it look perfect.

5.      Add paint pen details – I like to add paint pen details last after my paint has had time to dry. I use paint pen for lettering and more exact details of the canvas, like outlining the elephant and his eye.

There you have it! Canvas painting 101. Good luck on your future art endeavors!

Study Tips

So this weekend I am studying for three exams because it is midterm’s week. So I thought I’d procrastinate and write about good study habits or things to do to help you study.

1.     Make Lists: write down all the things you need to study/ homework assignments you need to do, that way you don’t forget anything

2.      Set a timer: Tomato timer is a great way to keep your productivity levels up. You do school work for 25 minutes and then give yourself a 5 minute break. Then keep repeating.

3.      Get Sleep: More than just the basic health reasons, your brain makes all your memories while you are sleeping, therefore it’s always good to get a good night’s sleep so your brain can remember all the facts you’ve been working hard to learn.

4.      Make Notecards: while this doesn’t apply to every subject, making notecards is great when you have to memorize lots of different facts or terms. Not only do you get to practice them easily, but the making of notecards and writing everything out helps you remember things better.

5.      Reward Yourself: Motivation gets you a long way. Tell yourself that you get to eat cookies or text a friend if you accomplish a certain amount of work.

6.      Turn off your Phone: make sure you are not getting distracted by texts, Facebook, twitter, Instagram or anything else. You learn material better if you stay focused on one task at a time. 

Good Luck on Exams!

Love is Louder

I’ve been struggling with mental illness for three years now. It sucks and there are some days I don’t have hope. Thankfully today is not one of those days.

Today I feel the support of my sisters. Today they give me strength and hope.

It’s a beautiful thing to know you are not alone in the world. While I hate knowing other people suffer as I do, it also brings me comfort. It brings me comfort to know I’m not making it up and this is real. It brings me comfort to know that other people understand. It brings me comfort to know that other people have survived this so I can too.

Today was Depression Screening Awareness Day. Reach out for support if you’re suffering. Even if you don’t seek professional help, confiding in friends or family can bring you comfort, and might even bring you a step closer to recovery.

Love is louder than the struggle that many face every day due to mental illness. I know what it’s like to fight a battle in your head every day. Reach out and talk to someone. And remember you are loved. 

September Favorites

September has been such a long month and thinking back on it I can’t believe how much has happened. It flew by with ups and downs. I haven’t had a moment to rest because it’s been so crazy. Over all, I would say September has been a pretty good month.

Here are some things I’ve been loving in September!

-        Kate Spade Planner: this has been so helpful in keeping my busy schedule organized. I keep my life in here honestly!

-        Tutu’s: I may or may not own three… They are fun to make and even more fun to wear, especially on bid day!

-        Laura Mercier Eye-shadow stick: In the color rose gold this has been perfect for easy everyday eye make-up and looking cute on special occasions.

-        Topshop dress: This dress was so much fun to wear at the rehearsal dinner for my cousins wedding and I’ve gotten so many compliments.

-        Netflix-White Collar: I have been re-watching White Collar this month and I love it just as much as I did the first time I saw it.

-        DryBar: I got my hair blown out and curled for my cousins wedding, and I absolutely loved the results! This was such a fun place to go get my hair done. 

Can't wait to see what October has in store!

Remake: When will my life begin? (Disney's Tangled)

Original Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je4nDvNJXsg

7 AM, the usual morning lineup:
Turn of my alarm and brush ‘til my teeth are clean,
Wash my face, get dressed, and scroll through instagram
scroll again,
And by then
It's like 7:15.

And so I'll make some toast or maybe cereal
I'll add a few more books to my backpack yeah
I'll make a list and sit, and wait and basically
Just wonder when will may day begin?

Then after class it's homework and lunch, and tumblr
Ukulele, a bit of ballet and nap
facebook and youtube, procrastination
Then I'll stretch,
Maybe rest,
Watch netflix, chat a friend!

And I'll reread my notes if I have time to spare
I'll make some more notecards, I'm sure there here somewhere.
And then I'll sit and sit, and sit and sit in bed
Stuck in the same place I've always been.

And I'll keep wonderin' and wonderin', and wonderin', and wonderin'
When will my day begin?

Tomorrow night the lights will appear
Just like they do on Fridays out here.
What is it like out there where they glow?
Now that I'm older, I really don’t want to go.

My Story

The first day I consciously stopped eating was January 12, 2013. I was a junior in high school and my mom confronted me about dating a girl. I was nowhere near ready for that conversation or for what would happen afterwards. A whole mess of stuff happened but that was the day I purposely decided not to eat because I felt worthless.

Prior to this day I had frequently skipped meals, and maybe someone wiser than I would have picked up on my restrictive eating patterns, but I never saw an eating disorder coming. I was very fortunate to have the right friends in my life at this time. My closest friends intervened before things got too bad. I still struggle with body image issues practically every day, but I don’t often resort to restriction anymore.

With the eating disorder came the kick start of my anxiety and depression. I feel like I’ve always had a little bit of this in my life (depression and anxiety run in my family), but it didn’t really start affecting me until my junior year. Junior year this only affected me in terms of eating. Same with the first half of senior year. Honestly things were getting better. I had relapses but they were having less of an influence over my daily life.

Then came the break up.

March of my senior year of high school my girlfriend and I broke up. We had been dating for a year and a half and this destroyed me. I took it as bad as you could possibly take a break up. Then a month later my dad attempted to kill himself. He lived, but still to this day the memories from that night and the words from his suicide note haunt me. Everything all became too much to handle and I made myself numb. Numb to my feelings and numb to life.

The thing about feeling numb is it can’t last forever and my best friend warned me of this. It didn’t stop me though. I was numb the whole summer before freshman year of college, first semester, and a few months into second semester. It was around a year after the breakup and I realized that I was having feelings again. All sorts of feelings I hadn’t experienced in so long. I had a silly crush on someone and I felt true happiness at first, but it wasn’t long before all the painful feelings that I tried to cover up came flooding back.

That’s when I cut myself for the first time.

I had always been afraid of cutting myself. I had spent many nights my junior year of high school lying in bed and knowing that cutting was an option. But I always held myself back. I was afraid. I was afraid of the pain and seeing the blood. So not surprisingly the first time I “cut” I didn’t really cut. I remember being in such a haze that night, but I picked up a safety pin and I scratched at my arm. That fucking hurts. And it stings more afterwards than cutting does. After a couple times of scratching, I felt like it wasn’t enough. I took a blade to my left hip and it became an addiction very quickly. I have stopped before, but not very successfully. I think the longest has been a month. I’d like to say I’ve been clean for a while now, but that would be a lie.

My depression and anxiety has gotten worse in college. On days like today I feel an absolute nothingness to the world and my depression consumes me. On other days I can’t get out of bed because anxiety cripples me. Not every day is bad though. Good days still exist. There are still things to look forward to, and new memories to be made.

That is my story. It’s not finished and neither am I. 

Theta Bid Day 2015

Recruitment is finally over, which means I might get to sleep tonight! While I am happy to have some time to breath, I’m a little excited that it’s all over. My sisters and I practiced 6 hours Monday-Friday for three weeks. And it all came down to one weekend that was full of excitement, laughter, hurt feet, tears, hunger, and love. It was hard and fun at the same time, and I know for a fact it was worth it.

Yesterday, my sorority welcomed 74 new sisters to our chapter! 

I was bouncing with energy, the whole day was so exciting. And it was filled with a multitude of cute pictures!

Through this whole process I have become so much closer to my sisters. On preference night, as I was telling my Theta story I came to this amazing realization: my Theta story has only just begun and I have so many more memories to make with my sisters. I can’t wait to dance the night away at Black and GΘld, I can’t wait to become closer to my sisters during our retreat, and I really can’t wait to get my little!!

Seeing the sisterhood exhibited over the last few days has made me fall in love with Kappa Alpha Theta all over again. Theta is my home, and that’s pretty amazing. 

20 of My Favorite Quotes

1.      “Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.” –JK Rowling

2.      “It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” –Walt Disney

3.      “Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.” –Coco Chanel

4.      “To live will be an awfully big adventure.” –Peter Pan

5.      “We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already. We have the power to imagine better.” –JK Rowling

6.      “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but building the new.” –Socrates

7.      “Practice reckless optimism.” –Hannah Hart

8.      “I don’t want fear of failure to stop me doing what I really care about.” –Emma Watson

9.      “You are not the opinion of someone who doesn’t know you; you are not damaged goods because of the mistakes you’ve made.” –Taylor Swift

10.   “Females are strong as hell.” –Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

11.   “What? Like it’s hard?” –Elle Woods

12.   “I’ve survived a lot of things, and I’ll probably survive this.” –JD Salinger

13.   “Bitches get stuff done.” –Tina Fey

14.   “The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem.” –Captain Jack Sparrow

15.   “Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” –Theodore Roosevelt

16.   “Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow.” –Mushu

17.   “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” –Jack Canfield

18.   “Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” –Roald Dahl

19.   “Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.” –Jules de Gaultier

20.   “Write drunk, edit sober.” –Earnest Hemmingway

Moving Back to College

I moved back into college this weekend. The drive wasn't bad and neither was unpacking all my stuff. 

I have so many mixed feelings about starting this year like many of my friend. I’m excited, anxious, happy, and stressed. It’s a lot to take in. And unfortunately the negative feelings are overshadowing the positive ones.

I have been looking forward to moving back to college since I went home for the summer in May. I’ve missed my friends, I’ve missed my independence, hell I even missed classes. And I’m still excited about all of those things. But now that I’m here there is so much to worry about.

First off I’m very introverted. Which I’m fine with, but it can make living at college a challenge, especially the first week back. The first week back everyone has missed school and friends so there is a lot of socializing and parties. I’ve been here two nights and I went out to party on both nights. I miss my friends and drinking just like everyone else; however, it’s been a lot for me to handle and it’s been giving me anxiety.

Then there is the fact that classes start tomorrow and I feel extremely unorganized. Because I just moved in to a new building so the new setup isn’t familiar yet and I have no idea where all my shit is. It makes me feel unprepared. Just more stress.

I’m trying to not let those feelings control me because I really want to have a good year. It’s just hard. 

The One

Growing up I always imaged my prince charming coming to sweep me off my feet and lead me to happily ever after. Disney was my life and I never saw any logical reason why I shouldn’t be a princess. That was when I was 7.

When I was 10 I knew that I’d fall in love in high school. It would be the type of fairy tale love that would last forever. We’d get married after graduation and go to college together and I’d still get my happily ever after.

I started high school when I was 15 years old and I had a crush on a junior boy. I thought eventually he’d notice me and tell me I’m not like all the other girls. Then we’d get married and live happily ever after. He never did notice me. Shocker.

Junior year I fell in love. I never saw it coming. She was my best friend. She was a she. Holy shit I’m gay. But it was ok, because I loved her and she loved me. It wasn’t exactly the love I was expecting but it was so much better. I never could have imagined what being in love was really like until it actually happened to me. We were together for a year and a half before we broke up.

The break up destroyed me. I was with this girl most of junior and senior year. We talked about surviving long distance while in college. We talked about how we’d eventually move in together, get married and adopt kids. We even came up with names for those kids. We talked about all the different places we’d live and travel to. I had stars in my eyes and when I saw her I couldn’t help but smile.

She was the one.

And when it was over I thought so was everything else. I had lost my one. My one person who would be my perfect other half for all of eternity. I truly believed I would never feel that way again.

After a year I began to realize, there isn’t just one person out there for everyone. I haven’t completely given up the idea of soul mates. I do believe we are supposed to meet the people we meet and have the relationships we have, but the soul mates in your life can change.

My high school girl friend was my soul mate from August 2012 to March 2014. We weren’t dating during all of that but she was my best friend and my soul mate from the beginning.

My best friend junior year, senior year, and still to this day is my soul mate. She stuck with me even when I pushed her away. She has helped me pick up the pieces in my life.

My two roommates from my freshman year of college are my soul mates. It’s because of them I know I picked the right college. They are family to me.

So you see I’ve had many soul mates, and I will continue to have many soul mates. Some will be lovers, and some will be friends. I will continuously have so much love in my life thanks to the people, the soul mates, who enter it.

I reject the notion that there is only one “the one.”  I believe there are different “ones” for the different times in your life. And yes there will eventually be a one who sticks around for longer, but just because you lose someone that you loved with your whole heart doesn’t mean you won’t find love again.

There’s not just one person out there for everyone. There are many people out there for everyone.

I will find another one, and another one, and maybe another one. I will find love again, but in the meantime, I can’t forget that I already have it.

20 Facts About Me

1.      I’m gay and I had no idea until I was 17

2.      I’m 5’2”

3.      Harry potter is my favorite everything

4.      I’ve been heartbroken. I’m slowly healing

5.      I’m in college to become a Physical Therapist

6.      I’m from Atlanta, but I go to school in St. Louis (10 hours away)

7.      Taylor Swift is my favorite artist. She is perfection

8.      My two favorite actors are Emma Watson and Logan Lerman. So Perks of Being a Wallflower was basically the coolest thing ever

9.      I did color guard and theatre in high school, and I used to do ballet. Performing is life

10.   I teach swim lessons and coach swim team even though I never worked hard during my own swim team practices

11.   I’ve been in catholic school since 2^nd grade and I continued on to a catholic university even though I don’t completely agree with the catholic church on everything

12.   I can make origami paper cranes. They help me heal

13.   I suffer from anxiety, depression, self-harm, and an eating disorder. All which I keep secret and haven’t received help for. It’s a struggle and exhausting.

14.   I like to go to bed really early. Like 9:30 pm

15.   I have one tattoo so far. It’s an equality sign on my left wrist.

16.   I’ve broken one bone, I did it by falling 15 feet off a zip line. I have a slight fear of heights now.

17.   I never got a detention in high school. But it wasn’t because I didn’t break any rules. I just didn’t get caught.

18.   My favorite color is lime green and all four walls of my bedroom are painted a bright lime green color.

19.   Technology is not my friend. I really just don’t understand it at all, but I try my hardest!

20.   On August 24^th I will have been alive for 20 years

20 of My Future Wives

Basically this is a list of my top celebrity crushes. And I'd love to marry any one of them (or all of them). Sadly because I've never met any of these women my judgement on them is based off of interviews they've done, movies they've been in, and their social media accounts. So they are all very superficial judgments, but hey, there is nothing wrong with wanting a hot wife. (I'm also aware many of these girls are straight but I can't help but hope!)

20. Laura Prepon

               If you’re like me, you first saw her as Donna in That 70’s Show. But if you’re like me you were paying more attention to Mila Kunis. However, when Orange is the New Black came along she stole my heart. She is the ultimate lesbian catnip. She’s tall and has that sexy voice. Plus I’ve seen her boobs in a couple of shots and I love them!

19. Jennifer Lawrence

               She’s hilarious. And isn’t that what every girl looks for in another girl? She’s also beautiful and kickass as Katniss in The Hunger Games. But to me it’s her sense of humor and relatability that makes her so lovable. I mean she tripped at the Oscars! That’s something I would do, you know if I was ever cool enough to receive an Oscar…

18. Emma Stone

               Another hilarious girl. Obviously this is an important quality in a girl for me. There is one particular reason she makes the list. Easy A. That’s enough reason right? (You’d agree with me if you’ve seen it) Of course she’s brilliant in other things but I love the sexy and funny and vulnerable characteristics she portrays in this one movie.

17. Scarlett Johansson

               Can anyone anywhere not include Scarlett on their future wife list? She’s so sexy and stunning and I could just look at her forever. Also, Scarlett Jo as black widow in The Avengers was a perfect decision. She’s hot and badass.

16. Shailene Woodley

               Now even though The Secret Life of the American Teenager was a terrible show (that we all watched anyways because we were addicted), she has done some amazing work since then. I loved her in Divergent and The Fault in Our Stars. Two very different movies that she did very well in. Also, I love the type of lifestyle she lives. It’s healthy and inspiring.

15. Hannah Hart

               If you don’t know who Hannah Hart is, what type of lesbian are you? She in on YouTube making videos with over 2 million subscribers. She is the creator of the My Drunk Kitchen episodes, where she cooks meals drunk while filming; and she has written a book of the same title. She is also vocal about her sexuality and honestly I just love her haircut.

14. Natasha Negovanlis

               You probably haven’t heard of her, so go look her up. Currently she is playing a hot vampire in Carmilla, a web series on YouTube. Now I didn’t hop on the vampire train back when Twilight came out, but now I want Natasha to be a real vampire and come bite me.

13. Julia Telles

               What can I say, I have a thing for ballerinas. Another name you might not be familiar with, she was one of the stars of Bunheads-the ABC family TV show about girls training to be ballerinas. What I love so much about her was her character was a rebellious ballerina. She’s just completely my type, also she’s actually my age which is a plus.

12. Chloe Grace Moretz

               She was the main character in the movie If I Stay, and yes I cried. She is beautiful and (according to her Instagram account) she’s really into music. I also love her because she’s from Georgia, just like me! Do I need a better reason?

11.  Ellen Page

               Basically who could ever forget Juno? Yeah not me. Also her coming out video is perfection. I just leave a link of that here for your enjoyment…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hlCEIUATzg 

10.  Blake Lively

               Her hair. I don’t know if I want to date her or just be her. She’s beautiful. Enough said.

9.  Taylor Swift

               I can listen to her songs for months without listening to anything else. And I have done that. Not only are her songs amazing but Taylor is just flawless herself. Her fashion, her love for her fans, and she’s best friends with the coolest people. I love Tswift.

8. Rita Volk

               One of the stars of MTV’s Faking It. She’s so beautiful, and she plays a great lesbian on TV. Very convincing…

7. Emma Roberts

               The first time my ex-girlfriend asked which celebrity I had a girl crush on she was my answer. I loved her back in the day in Nancy Drew and I love her now in American Horror Story: Coven. She can rock any hair color. If you don’t believe me just google it. Trust me, you’ll see.

6. Allison Scagliotti

               I first saw her in Warehouse 13 and now I’m so happy she’s in Stitchers. Honestly I loved her spunky attitude. In Warehouse 13 she played and punk computer nerd that could rock out on the guitar. So hot and badass… are you seeing my type yet??

5. Emma Watson

               Ok this is my Harry Potter nerd side coming out. She grew up in front of my eyes as Hermione. And she grew into such an attractive women. Her outfits are always on point. She rocked the pixie haircut and every length since then. I love that she went to Brown University and I love her work for equality with HeforShe. It’s so inspiring. She is a flawless human being.

4. Anna Kendrick

               Yes I’m obsessed with Pitch Perfect, and I loved her in Into the Woods. Basically I love her. I do love seeing her in interviews more than anything else. She’s just so funny and she’s adorkable and cute and seems like she’d be such a great best friend (a number one quality in a wife).

3. Ruby Rose

               I didn’t know who she was until this summer, so I was a little late to hope on the Ruby Rose bandwagon. In Orange is the New Black, she plays a fellow prisoner, which is hot. I love her Australian accent. I’m a sucker for accents. I loved her tattoos. She’s just so badass.

2. Kristen Stewart

               She was number one of my list for so long. Since I realized I was gay until this summer actually. She is so attractive and there is just something about her that makes every lesbian I know attracted to her too. I don’t know what it is. Yes I would definitely love to marry her. She gets too much hate because of Twilight, but actually she’s really talented and so cool.

1.Cara Delevingne

               She joined the list this summer and went straight to the top. She is perfection. She’s funny, badass, attractive… everything. She was a model and now she’s an actress. She has many tattoos, and her sarcasm is great. She sings, plays guitar and drums, and loves video games. There aren’t enough words to describe my love for her. Enjoy multiple pictures instead.